THE PARENTING PROCESS Strengthening Families Through Parent Education , borrowed from Eileen Paris, PhD
Eileen has been working as a psychotherapist with kids and families for 34 years. She is also an infant mental health specialist, a contemporary psychoanalyst, and co-author of “I’ll Never Do To My Kids What My Parents Did to Me!” A guide to Conscious Parenting (Warner Books) 1994.
Conscious Parenting = Bonding, Mirroring and Differentiating
Bonding: Establishing a relationship of safety and trust; a feeling of connectedness and closeness.
Assessing Your Family‘s Bond: To assess the health of your family’s bonds, ask yourself the following: + Do I make an effort to read and align with my child’s emotional and physical states? + Am I physically affectionate with my children? + Do I accept my older children’s needs for closeness? + Do I threaten to abandon my kids when they upset me? + Am I invasive and disrespectful of their feelings? + Do I become fragmented or withdraw when my children are upset with me? When you stay in the present moment you will be less vulnerable to parent in response to your past legacy, you will be less likely to invade or abandon your kids, thus creating safety, trust, and a strong bond. This satisfying relationship then becomes a model by which your children can establish and evaluate their present and future relationships. Mirroring: A feeling of being seen, heard and understood for what you feel inside; a feeling of being noticed, and taken seriously - of having your feelings validated. Mirroring helps a child establish his or her own identity.
Assessing Your Mirroring Skills: To assess your mirroring skills, answer these questions: + Do I recognize and reflect my children’s emotions even when their feelings make me uncomfortable? + Do I interrupt, frustrate, ignore, or deny my children’s feelings? + Can I acknowledge my own feelings? + Do I try to distract my children from their upset feelings or chastise them when thy are angry? + Do I under mirror or over mirror? + Do I mirror distortedly or critically?
Eileen has been working as a psychotherapist with kids and families for 34 years. She is also an infant mental health specialist, a contemporary psychoanalyst, and co-author of “I’ll Never Do To My Kids What My Parents Did to Me!” A guide to Conscious Parenting (Warner Books) 1994.
Conscious Parenting = Bonding, Mirroring and Differentiating
Bonding: Establishing a relationship of safety and trust; a feeling of connectedness and closeness.
Assessing Your Family‘s Bond: To assess the health of your family’s bonds, ask yourself the following: + Do I make an effort to read and align with my child’s emotional and physical states? + Am I physically affectionate with my children? + Do I accept my older children’s needs for closeness? + Do I threaten to abandon my kids when they upset me? + Am I invasive and disrespectful of their feelings? + Do I become fragmented or withdraw when my children are upset with me? When you stay in the present moment you will be less vulnerable to parent in response to your past legacy, you will be less likely to invade or abandon your kids, thus creating safety, trust, and a strong bond. This satisfying relationship then becomes a model by which your children can establish and evaluate their present and future relationships. Mirroring: A feeling of being seen, heard and understood for what you feel inside; a feeling of being noticed, and taken seriously - of having your feelings validated. Mirroring helps a child establish his or her own identity.
Assessing Your Mirroring Skills: To assess your mirroring skills, answer these questions: + Do I recognize and reflect my children’s emotions even when their feelings make me uncomfortable? + Do I interrupt, frustrate, ignore, or deny my children’s feelings? + Can I acknowledge my own feelings? + Do I try to distract my children from their upset feelings or chastise them when thy are angry? + Do I under mirror or over mirror? + Do I mirror distortedly or critically?